Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
