My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize