I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
