sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
