Sry I called you an 8
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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