if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
