What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
