that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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