My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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