So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
