Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
