I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
