i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
