Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
