Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
