Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
