finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
