Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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