would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
