Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
