So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
