I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
