i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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