wanna go halves on a baby?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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