You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're too hungover to prance.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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