First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
