I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
