Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
