I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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