Your tits are I can't wait for
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
love makes seman taste better
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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