A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
