She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
