my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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