I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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