I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
