I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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