I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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