Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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