my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
