He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
