david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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