True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
