I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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