Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
