Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
