I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
