haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
