Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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