So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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