Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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