Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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