Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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