Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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