I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
