i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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