First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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