The maid of honor just puked.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
