I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize