You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
