Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
