eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
