I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
