I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
