I can text with my tongue
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
try to milk me bitch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
