the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
