When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
