the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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