Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
