Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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