found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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