it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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