I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
